WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need to calm my uterus...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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