He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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