The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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