he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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