I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize