I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize