His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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