She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize