if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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