Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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