Apparently you make a good broom.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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