My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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