It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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