I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cockslap morals
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize