We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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What a dumb baby whore.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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