you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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