i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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