but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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