It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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