i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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