just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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