Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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