Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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