I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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