You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize