Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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