I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize