I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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