fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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