shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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