I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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