I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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