my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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