You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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