well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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