Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize