Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize