either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So here I am, sexting at work.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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