my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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