Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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