Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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