How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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