Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize