he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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