Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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