good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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