How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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