I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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