I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Jerry, you need to find god
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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