so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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